I would trade my left butt cheek and walk around with a weird lopsided arse just to hold my boyfriend K.B’s hand right now.
It’s 4am and I miss him.He lives in Kent and I’m about to relocate to Derby after finishing my degree. So we’ll live about 4 hours away from each other.
The gag is we’ve spent the last month in each other’s constant company and occasionally I’d feel like a need a break to do “me”stuff but after a day or two I’d want to come home. To be with him. Because home is him.
Wow this is extremely moist. But like I said it’s 4am.
I’m an over thinker so even though it’s been exactly 48 hours since I last saw him I’m already starting to fervently google “how to make a long distance relationship work”.
I was in a long distance relationship 5-6 years ago. It didn’t work out for one reason; I didn’t love him enough to make the necessary sacrifices to make the relationship work.
There’s loads of perspectives out on the internet about how to make it work but I feel like all they do is give you bullet point answers on what to do to prevent the relationship from crumbling with no real life examples
So I thought I’d give my readers bullet points with what to do and what not do using my examples from my current successful relationship and my old not so successful relationship.
FIRST THINGS FIRST ( I’m the realest)
The love has to be genuine and it has to be tried and tested.
K.B and I have been together for less than a year but and if I could telllllll you the shit we’ve been through. The easiest example I can use is that there has been emotional cheating on both of our parts and because of that we’ve had to address hard truths, learn about each other as well as discover parts of ourselves.
So we’re at a point were we realise that we are still growing and that we aren’t fully realised human beings yet so mistakes are going to be made but the love is strong enough to withstand it.
Let Out All of Your Crazy
Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when behaviour they’re exhibiting upsets and or affects you. But also tell them why it affects you so much.
In my old relationship I was very closed off about my past ( read Letter To Mum(my)) and all that did was increase the distance between us as I was constantly isolating myself and creating confusion on his part because I was acting mad about things that he thought were insignificant but to me were signals and red flags of unacceptable traits
Now with K.B whenever I see something that might affect me in a deeper way than how other people may perceive it. I (eventually) tell him why I’m behaving that way and he gains an insight into who I really am and has a deeper understanding of where I came from
NUDES/SEXTING/PHONE SEX/ FACETIME SEX
THIS ONE IS SUPER IMPORTANT IF YOU’RE IN A HIGHLY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. THE PARANOIA WILL EAT AWAY AT YOU IF YOU’RE NOT THIRSTING FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION FROM EACH OTHER.
IF K.B DIDN’T THIRST FOR NUDES ETC THEN I’D BE LIKE NIGGGA WHERE OR WHO ARE YOU GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF TOO???
I was a virgin in my old relationship so there wasn’t much going on in that department but even then I knew that whoever I was with would excite me to the point where I couldn’t keep my hands off of them. But my ex never made me feel desired and I wasn’t attracted to him sexually 🤷🏽♀️.
The lack of sexual chemistry here communicated to me that there was no actual love, care or attraction because to me all of these and chemistry have to be present in order for a relationship to be successful.
I think you can tell from my caps lock yelling at the beginning of this point that all of this is present with K.B so I’ll move on
Be prepared to sacrifice your autonomy to a certain degree
When you get into a normal non long distance relationship, you naturally stop “moving single”. You stop spontaneously going out, you consider your partner in most if not all of your actions and generally become less selfish. Like, you can’t even binge watch Power without it feeling as if you’re cheating .
In my old relationship I used to find out about my exes plans after he already confirmed with his friends and I’d have to deal with the consequences of said actions. Like the time his exotic dancer ex was conveniently in his best friends car and they had a little chat in the back seat and I slowly found out about what he did and then I had to trust that nothing had happened 🙂( she wasn’t an exotic dancer but I’m bitter so whatever)
Sacrificing your autonomy is hard because it can feel like you’re trapped however if you’re with the right person and you’re both exhibiting selfless behaviour then it’ll be easy.
There are a lot of things that I could list but,the same things that make a non long distant relationship work are the same things that if amplified and exaggerated can make long distance relationships work as well. More consideration, more communication, more selflessness and more patience.
Distance never separates two hearts that really care. For our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there
Oh and K.B I know you’ll be one of the first people to read this so I Love You. Have a good day at work and I’m not going to be up until 12pm so ignore my text about you waking me up when you do. Xxxx