*DISCLAIMER NSFW OR PRUDES*
If you follow me on Twitter you will have seen my rants about casual sex. It normally occurs when I read an Oloni thread or i hear about another one of my friends’ talking stages (that involved sex) leading to nothing or worse heartbreak. I’ve never really been able to wrap my head around the so called benefits of casual sex. To me its a lose- lose to both participants. Because i personally do not have the range to enjoy sex with someone and not have/develop feelings for them
But… for the sake of this blog post and because i literally could write a dissertation on my thoughts. I’m going to focus on heterosexual casual sexual encounters between cisgender couples.Don’t worry this isn’t a sociology essay so i’ll be throwing away all further political correctness
So Casual Sex Encounters can go two ways; good or bad. Good being the sex happens, it’s good, it stays as a one time thing or things progress into a Relationship. Bad being the sex is bad and you never see each other again or its good and you progress into a messy little thing called a Situationship.
*********this is not an exhaustive list********
Below are two *ahem* fictional scenarios that i prepared before to illustrate said Encounters
SCENARIO 1 GOOD
Shereen’s friends had forced her to go out. She really didn’t want to but Amy’s threat to expose her prom after party pictures on Instagram was enough to get her to put on a basic LBD minimal makeup and down a bottle of Schnapps before they left their shared flat to go join the queue at the nearest bar.
They ended up at Space; the place was a little grim but the drinks were cheap and the dress code was lax so the bouncer didn’t bat an eye at the dolly shoes she’d elected to wear.
As soon as she walked in she caught eyes with a few guys “dancing” along to Ed Sheerans new song. She had two left feet but the Schnapps was whispering to her so she joined in and ended up dancing with a random rather sweaty guy. During the course of said “dance” he tried to slur his name in her ear but all she hear was Rsshdsdghsdff. Rsdshjdkshdff was attempting to make conversation and all Shereen wanted to do was buss a whine. So she made her excuses and went to the smoking area outside.
Whilst outside she saw a group of guys smoking what smelled like weed so she edged closer. She made eye contact with one of the guys who ended up nudging his friend who looked like he was barely able to stand. The rest of the group noticed her too and suddenly started chanting for drunk guy to show her his abs. He did and she was impressed. After a short exchange influenced mostly by the schnapps and muscles she messaged her friends while drunk guy booked an Uber.
The sex was okay, nothing spectacular but they kept in contact and saw each other a few more times over the next few weeks. The sex got better and they realised they actually had a connection and eventually ended up being official.https://graziadaily.co.uk/relationships/dating/3-couples-turned-one-night-stands-relationships/
SCENARIO 2- BAD
Tatenda had just completed her second year of Uni. She didn’t want to go home for the summer but her bank account told her to pipe down tuck tail and return to her Hometown.
Her hometown was literally a village. With one shopping centre and 3 clubs that played Drakes 2012 hits on a loop until you just HAD to take the triple vodka and coke offer to drown the sound out. But after 3 weeks and one tragic trip to the local carnival with her stepdad and Mom that lead to her bumping into 2 exes she decided to take drastic action
So she did what she had to do. She got in touch with the secondary school friends that she had alienated and abandoned when she went to Uni and planned a night out.
They went to one of the less detestable Drake Homage clubs and drank enough to numb their ears to his latest hit
2 hours into the rave. Tatenda spots a suspicious but handsome man in the VIP section. Her Drug Dealer senses started tingling.
See Tatenda had heard that if you want a good time, spot the guy that looks most like a drug dealer in the club and be nice to him. The bottles will flow, the dickings will bang and the ride home from one of his runners will be free
Tatenda got the potential drug dealers attention. As per the rumours she suddenly found herself with a Hennessy Bottle in her hand. The Hennessy took over her frontal lobe and she made advances towards the potential drug dealer. She blinked and his tongue was down her throat, she blinked and he was at the bar buying her and her friends shots, she blinked again and her friends were leaving and asking if she’s okay to go home with him, she blinked and then she realised he wasn’t a drug dealer and the Hennessy Bottle was shared between 9 guys on one table. Her Drug Dealer Senses had betrayed her. But, she’d had a rough summer and she found him attractive so she kept it moving.
She left the club with him and ended up in the back seat of his friends Vauxhall Corsa were she proceeded to embarrass her ancestors by ******* and ******** him to **** her *** all before she even reached his front door. But at this point she couldn’t remember her name so who could blame her. They got to his student flat and proceeded to have sex.
It goes without saying that Tatenda had the worst sex of her life. He was well endowed but had no idea how to use it so he ended up hurting her. When she tried to take charge and go on top her newly purchased Ali Express wig slipped clean off her head and they proceeded to argue mid thrust as she tried in her drunken state to locate it. All in all it was a harrowing experience.
She woke up the next day and there was a random guy in the room. They made awkward conversation whilst she tried to get her bearings and upon finding her bearings she realised that her jeans had been thrown across the room and were now right behind random guys head. She had to politely ask that he return her dignity and book her Uber home.
Now you’d think this was the end of this but now Tatenda cant remember this guys name and she lives in fear that he told all his friends about the girl who revealed her busted cornrows during reverse cowgirl and she carries that paranoia around with her to this day
These scenarios were made up purely for my amusement but i do have personal issues with casual sex as a whole. I was a Christian until i was 16 and i still carry around certain values that were ingrained in me as a child.
Values such as saving yourself for marriage which, i have interpreted to saving yourself for someone special.
I’ve always found it difficult to grasp the idea of wanting to be intimate with someone who barely knows you and I worry about the consequences of those interactions. I know that i need to care about my partner in order to enjoy a sexual experience with them otherwise the pussy dry up!
I dont have anything against casual sex per se but i do have an issue with people that fuck without a thought of the consequences of their actions. its not just about how it affects the other person but also how does it affect you.
I feel like there is only a small minority of us that are truly capable of separating sex and feelings and for those of us that lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that we are a part of that group, we find ourselves in Situationships
Urban Dictionary’s most upvoted description of a Situationsip is as follows
A relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.Me: Me and this guy have been talking for six months now.https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Situationship
Friend: Are you guys together?
Me: Its like were together but were not.. its more of a situationship that’s happening.
To me a Situationship occurs when two people cant agree, aren’t mature enough and lack the range to define their relationship. If you’re just fucking then why are you taking each other out to dinner dates and movies? Why are you going on holiday together. Why are you telling your friends about them?
Every relationship has to have a boundary and if you cant define boundaries around sexual relationships then maybe you should ask yourself…
Do you have the range for casual sex?
Dont forget to like/share/and comment that im chatting shit xxx